2/3/8
on touching death and back

risk is not everyone's cup of tea, often a times it becomes a sort of true litmus test for human beings. there are very few who can risk. there are even fewer who risk for the sake of risking. risk makes one think of the things which can be done when when life is still, more beautifully, as it gives credence to stillness and acts as a sort of a preference point for it.

 its with me too that this whole act of risk comes forth in a rather pronounced way.
to tell you the truth my whole life is a risk as till now. from not being educated in a system, for crossing roads like its a videogame, from cycling for miles on busy roads. risk moves my faculties i can safely say, apart from other things as well.


i will try to elucidate on what is it that is exactly that i like, i will attempt to point out the areas where i might find my answers, but mind you, never the answers. as answers are shooting stars, once they are there the other time they are not.

i like the fact that in all these acts i am physically closer to Death. it gives me a strange high, maybe its high of being in control of my own life and destiny ?? yet it can be an illusion because anything might happen.

its like crossing a busy road, .. the traffic is thick and fast, and you stand gaugeing the road , looking for one chink in the armour and there you see .. some distance ahead, there is a little gap which is coming your way ....
now that is the moment ..and its fast

your eyes see and brain assesses, if its a 4 lane road or 3 lane road will the road be empty at the point of crossing for that brief a second .. now that is an art ... but what is really bigger than that is acting on it .. which means your are giving credence to that finding of your brain unto your life. it means what your brain and eyes have spent doing in those 2 or 3 seconds who are ready to take action and so sure you are about your findings that you can even risk your life for it .

(it holds true even when i am cycling)

now cant it be foolhardiness too ??
what is foolhardiness anyway ? there is  a definate distinction between risk and foolhardiness, though not of a degree but type . both are essentially the same things yet both the things are differenciated by one thing,.... thought.

risk involves assessment, of thinking all the things which can be thought about, foolhardiness on the other hand is bereft of thinking in general.
and jazz is when you have  an amalgamation of both, those are the true moments of being, because you dont know the scheme of things which unravel in this impromptou  revealings.


its about death, of seeing and respecting it from close quarters. it often feels like a strange sort of feeling, of knowing your death should you cross your line. everyone of us encounters this thing but most of them are oblivious to it, and they take it for granted. our senses most of the times tell us covertly about things which might harm us. very few people act otherwise of acknowledging that feeling and acting against it but in consultation with it. (senses)

different people risk in different manners, and its not to say mine is better than anyone or if other's way is not the right way. there s no right way .. but there s always a right feeling. the feeling which makes one feel like a human being, the feeling of triumph, the silence afterwards, it all about that.



its a search, for that beauty  which  renders heavens worthless